One day later, no news. Again I tried to call, again no answer. No answer to the last of my SMS messages, too. I will quit trying now. There is no way to reach that guy, as he obviously does not want to talk to me.
With tears in my eyes I removed his smiling picture from my desk today. I would not have thought it possible for this episode to affect me that deeply; or for any end to hurt me that much again.
This may sound pathetically dramatized, but I'm in that kind of mood right now, so let me confess to you: My heart had been thoroughly broken once before, by another man, almost ten years ago. I was truly devastated then and almost lost the will to live. Since that time I had never really, unrestrictedly loved anyone. Until I almost did, now. And something went horribly wrong again.
I really wish I knew WHAT went wrong.
I will stop writing any more about this whole story now, as it does not make sense to speculate, and I have wallowed in enough self-pity to make me feel sick myself.
Just one more thing: Today I feel very grateful to my friends - the one in Mumbai who told me the truth (thanks, Rahul!) - and those here at home, who came, or called, or wrote, and supported me these days.
I am glad to have friends like you, thank you for your help!
You give me a lot of strength and I really need it now. Today I don't knew what I'd done without you.